Black and White

Yesterday at work was horrible!!! I spent almost two hours explaining the system and setting up this guy and our techs. About twenty minutes after I leave the house with the techs there to do their thing, I see them driving up behind me. Apparently they were cussed out of the house by the girlfriend who showed up mid-installation.

Shortly after they drive away I received an irate voice mail from the above mentioned girlfriend. Talk about ticked. Instead of calling her back, I opted to go back by the house to see if I could salvage anything. Nope. I received the same treatment the techs did, but in the more biting way that only girls can be mean to girls. I would have preferred her to yell at me actually....
The worst part about the whole situation was that the guy actually needed it. I believe he really did need a medical pendant that comes with the system. I tried explaining this to the girlfriend, but I think she was beyond reason.

Regardless of the train wreck that was, I kept knocking. The thing that really killed my day was running into a Realtor who told me the details of the neighborhood - including a high registered sex offenders count and a supersaturated foreclosure rate. Plus - I could tell I was starting to get sick with mono-like symptoms.

On the drive home I started thinking about what I was doing, the reasons I was out here, and why I should stay. I texted my managers and told them I needed to talk with them about my goals, some concerns I have, and the possibility of going home. The thing that is the hardest right now is that at one point I was being successful, but now I'm not.

I finally talked with my manager and expressed some of my concerns. Because I knew he didn't want girls on the team, I was hesitet to even say anything, but finally realized that if he wants to see results, he needs to help me, and I need to ask for that help -- he can't read minds. Even still, it's been hard to work under the unspoken feeling of not being wanted on the team.

Long story short, I found out what he's expecting of me. I told him I was taking a flex day to think things over, reevaluate my goals, and get some sleep. ..... So that was the Black.

Today was the White. I've taken time to sleep, think, deeply read my scriptures, and more sincerely pray. The latter two I've been doing daily, but not as heartfelt as I would like. I also took time to meditate about and sift through the different stresses this job presents, and evaluated different solutions. I was able to pray for guidance, talk it over with my dad, and make some decisions that I feel really good about.
The major stresses include long hours of physically demanding work, an absurd social environment, being currently unsuccessful, and an inability to handle stress appropriately. Once I get the approval from my manager to enact some of my solutions to these I'll post about them in a little more detail.